First, as I write this, it has just been announced that Star Trek: Starfleet Academy will not be renewed after its second season. It is, effectively, cancelled. I am BIG MAD and also very sad, and feeling like it’s time to find a new hyperfixation. (But if you suggest anything, I will get angry and immediately reject it. It has to be an organic process. I hate my brain so much.)

Anyway. This is what we get for investing in stories controlled by corporations.

Let’s watch some TV.

This is a French-Italian adaptation of the French novel, presented entirely in English, and with a cast that includes one Dane. I haven’t read the book, but like Wuthering Heights — which I read for the first time just a few weeks ago — it seems to be one of those 19th century novels which is remembered as a Big Important Classic, and then you read it and it’s just fun nonsense.

Sam Claflin plays a nice young man who is framed as a Bonapartist by jealous rivals. Ten years and two looooooong episodes later, he has escaped from prison, found a treasure, purchased an Italian title and recruited some henchmen, and now! It is time! For revenge! He sets up a series of elaborate traps for his enemies (he hacks the telegraph! He leaves poison in an unlocked cabinet!) which they could have avoided, if only they had integrity. And, for good measure, he ensures that their children make happy marriages. All while making cryptic remarks and smirking behind his beard at some absolutely dire parties.

The series starts out as a slog, then picks up pace, but never quite achieves the heights I expected. There’s a lot of Netflix dialogue, and flashbacks to the previous scenes for those of us watching with our phone in one hand, and I feel like it could have been truly excellent if it had just trusted the audience more. But it’s worth watching, if only for the women’s costumes. Some of which even resemble actual clothing from the period. More or less.

This is the season where SVU leaned really hard into the Olivia/Elliot relationship. There’s literally a whole episode where they’re examined by a therapist, who concludes that they are wildly codependent and also the entire squad will stop being able to fight crime if they’re separated.

Unfortunately, it’s also the season where SVU leans really hard into “the police brutality and general misconduct is fine if our heroes are doing it”. This starts with the very first episode, where Olivia demonstrates her care for victims by stealing one’s underwear, and doesn’t let up.

It’s rough, man. Iconic. But rough.

Soooooooooooo back in season 1, we watched Samantha “Sinatra” Redmond’s son die. It’s, like, the inciting incident for everything that happens after that. Except the volcano and the mega-tsunami, I guess; so far Samantha doesn’t seem to have control over tectonic activity.

Anyway, her son is back. In Pog form. I mean, he appears to be Link, the nice young man who roams the countryside shutting down nuclear power plants and fathering babies. Well, fathering one baby. That we know of.

It’s time travel, right? Alex is some sort of quantum entanglement physics doodad? A JJ Abrams-esque floating red ball of energy that does plot stuff?

Either that, or Samantha is losing her mind, and I’m certainly not discounting the possibility, but this doesn’t feel like that sort of show.

After many weeks, finally the bunker has the more interesting side of the story. Robinson and the bunker designer and President Cal’s shitty son are preparing to blow the doors open! Samantha is meeting with Link, and then bluescreening her way down to wherever Alex hangs out! The billionaires who are now running the place are panicking and initiating a full lockdown! But too much is happening and the whole bunker computer system is a spinning beachball! Except the nuclear reactors, which are going into meltdown!

Also Sarah Shahi just killed Jane, who has been stalking the shit out of her, and I’m sorry, but this is the moment I went, “Okay, all of this is going to be rewritten.” I simply do not believe Jane could be taken off the board so easily. And this is mean, but Gabriela is the most expendable character in the entire series.

Outside the bunker, Xavier has reunited with Teri and befriended Team Train. But Gary has Bean, the kid he and Teri “adopted”, so we have one more rescue to take care of before we can get back to Colorado. Xavier is all set to blow Gary’s head off and call it a day, which is really a sign of how much he’s gone through since the world ended, and even Teri is like, “You wot mate?”

Instead, she takes the Star Trek approach, talking to Gary, letting him say his piece, and persuading him to let her and Bean go. Which is great! I was only 40% afraid she was going to get killed! I’m still kind of mad about Annie, okay?!

So everyone is reunited, and Xavier has to finally fess up about how he’s kind of come into possession of a baby. Who might be Samantha’s grandson. Spare a thought for Samantha’s daughter, who cynically describes herself as “the sister of a dead son”. Maybe the Collinses can swap the baby for her.

I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT.

Three weeks ago, I said this:

And here we are: last week, Monica was being friendly with ICE; this week, she is calling Javadi a snowflake. I have worked in admin for too many years to ever trust the old lady who refuses to learn email.

But I guess I can’t fault Dana for bringing her back, because the nurses have a lot on their collective plates, what with the chaos and dysfunction and the guy who put Emma in a chokehold. Dana takes him out with via semi-legal means (we are given to understand she has been carrying a sedative around in her pocket “just in case” since the assault in season 1; Robbie is not the only member of the team who is Not Remotely Okay) and Cassie takes over his care. For once, she does not give an asshole male her particular brand of tough love and gentle honesty. And why should she? He’s an unrepentant asshole.

Speaking of people who are Not Remotely Okay: Santos is continuing to spiral, pocketing a scalpel and generally giving off vibes which are both a desperate for help and a threat to attack anyone who tries. Whittaker breaks through, in a very charming scene where she accidentally reveals that she likes having him as a roommate, even though he eats her avocados (my flatmate would kick me out!). But she can’t bring herself to actually say that. At least she has stopped looking to Garcia for emotional support.

Standout patient of the week

Absolutely the elderly man played by Dann Florek, formerly of SVU. I heard his voice and went, “Surely that is not Copaganda Dad?” AND IT WAS!

And this episode feels like a win for everyone involved — the elderly couple who are afraid of losing their independence; their daughter, who has her own kids to look after; Samira, who is really, really good with elderly patients. Is geriatric emergency medicine a thing?

Standout doctor of the week

I’m giving it to Dr Al-Hashimi (we learn she has kids!), who doesn’t have a huge role on the medical side, but she and Robby work alongside each other effectively, and she says, correctly, that the ER should have two attendings at all times.

(In ER, there was usually at least one attending, often two, and also a chief resident. PMTC doesn’t seem to have a chief resident role, although I think Collins filled that by default in season 1. Budget cuts?)

I also wanna shout out Joy for leaving when her shift is over. We stan a queen with boundaries. Also, she and I are on the same anti-depressant, and I think Lexapro should be using her to advertise how well it works.

Standout nurse of the week

Perlah taking time to help the panicking brother of The Guy Who Had His Head Blown Open breathe was a really great moment for her.

And Princess’s shift is over; I read somewhere that the actress was pregnant during filming, so I assume this was the point at which it couldn’t be hidden any longer.

Standout nightmare fuel of the week

For me, a ginger, it has to be Sunburn Lady.

But also, imagine you’re having a procedure done on your scalp, and the person treating you says, “Oops.” No wonder that guy’s heart exploded shortly after.

(I observe with interest that Trinity is much better at supervising Joy than she was with Ogilvie. They have a lot in common, I’d say — not just because they’re both young Asian women, but because they regard the world with a detachment that some people find off-putting.)

The Dr Michael “Robby” Robinovitch Award For Achievements In Petty Bitchiness

Dr Robby wins again! He almost pays Samira a compliment, in remarking on her skill with elderly patients, but just has to throw in a snarky remark about her being suited to the pace.

He has some interiority back in this episode — look at that scene where the ringing of the telephone is just a little too shrill, and you can feel his exhaustion and overstimulation — but he’s not in a good place. This is honestly a great depiction of burnout and long-term work-related trauma, and how it can poison relationships and workplaces. But it’s not necessarily easy to watch, y’know?

The runner-up is Dr Al-Hashimi, both for her expression when she learns that Langdon was diverting drugs and Robby didn’t report it, and her ensuing behaviour in undermining Langdon. Just as Langdon did to Santos ten months earlier. Trinity calls her “robodoc”, but I do think Al-Hashimi could be an ally and a great mentor to Santos.