Good morning, friends!

I did not have a big week for TV, mostly because I was interstate on Friday night (when Silo drops), and then last night, my flatmate took advantage of my new openness to some horror (thank you, Widow’s Bay) and made me watch The Menu. It was good! Imagine if Hannibal Lecter was running The Bear, but ALSO it wasn’t gory at all.

Let’s watch TV!

Months ago, or more, the first footage from this season was leaked, of Lestat in rock star mode. And it was funny, a bit cringe, a bit awkward, much like the season. But a group of Taylor Swift fans thought he was a real musician and did what Swifties do: they started a feud.

I feel like this episode finally matches that real life incident for pathos and comedy. Lestat’s album drops to something worse than crickets: a 3.1 rating from Pitchfork and an unremarkable spot in the top 100.

(To which I say: hey, it still did better than Lizzo’s new album. Also, that “Pitchfork review” was written by the writer of Lestat’s music, and sir, you also did the soundtrack to Mother Mary, I know you are capable of better work than this.)

Unfortunately for Lestat, his album dropped the same week as Drake’s triple-release nightmare, which is how we learn that Louis has watched Degrassi: The New Generation. The next question I have is, which side did Louis take in the big Kendrick v Drake feud? And also, was the show too scared of the Swifties to have Lestat blocked by a too-rich-and-successful-to-care-about-Lestat Taylor Swift?

But I guess it’s more important to the series that we know that Louis and Lestat are actually in a pretty good place right now: Louis is visiting Lestat in Montreal ahead of The Big World-Ending Gig In Werribee Death Valley The Canadian Wilderness. He’s meeting “Sofia” and having dinner with Daniel, and they have an appointment with a medium to consult with Claudia’s spirit! What could go wrong?

Answer: Daniel is suspiciously tanned and smug, because he’s about to leak footage of Lestat fucking “Sofia” AND reveal that she’s his mom maman, and also that seance? Bad idea. I mean, cathartic for Claudia, but it’s not good for closure or the medium’s dental health.

Maybe they should have risked the Swifties.

Here’s something I love even more than Louis knowing who Drake is: his totally normal reaction to the incest reveal. Which is to say, he’s horrified and upset. Then he blames Lestat, which is messed up, but then he calms down and goes, oh, this is abuse. Which Lestat is not ready to hear, and he lies and says the sex only began after they were both vampires, but a seed is planted, even as he gives in to the panic attack he’s been trying to outrun all season.

“I need to do some work on myself,” says Lestat, because this is The Episode Where Everyone Is Beginning To Have Some Self-Awareness. Both men are incredibly selfish and self-obsessed and no amount of love will change that. But maybe honesty will help.

Buuuut maybe less honesty than Claudia’s spirit brings? We know from season 2 that Louis suspected she hated him, at least a little, but her rage is utterly palpable and hard to watch. At least Lestat never pretended he wasn’t monstrous. It’s rough, man. Louis needs to go eat a therapist, or maybe get another, unrelated, vampire to turn a therapist, so he can get some long-term help and support. And then we need a different vampire to turn a different therapist, because Louis and Lestat shouldn’t be treated by the same person.

HOWEVER. By the end of the episode, therapy is maybe the least of the treatment the lads need, because Daniel and Armand have … decapitated them? Can Anne Rice vampires … survive that? I know they can talk for some period after decapitation, but… Did the show just kill off its two leads? I do not remember this from the Wikipedia summaries of the books OR my hazy memories of seeing Queen of the Damned 22 years ago.

This episode gives us a closer look at a new villain, Lord Ormund Hightower, and guys, I love him.

Not because he’s a good dude! He’s not even a little bit sympathetic. What he is is charismatic and hilarious, with his good looks and intellectual snobbery, comfort with public nudity and distaste for dragons. He’s not quite a Westerosi tradcath, but he’s absolutely a RETVRN guy, and what he wants is to RETVRN to a pre-Targaryen Westeros. He wants to decolonise the Seven Kingdoms, and then put his own guy — his ward, Prince Daeron, Alicent’s youngest — in charge.

Prince Daeron seems like a nice child who loves his foster father but isn’t on board with betraying his brothers. Next to Helaena, he’s definitely the most likable of Alicent’s kids, and he seems to exist in the same reality as the rest of us. He also looks like a close relative of Olivia Cooke, which is genuinely impressive, even though his dark hair raises questions. Like, I thought we established that legitimate Targaryens are always blond? That’s how everyone knows Rhaenyra’s older kids are bastards? Although obviously it says a lot that they are white when Rhaenyra’s husband at the time was Black. I realise that Westerosi genes follow the rules of narrative, not science, but I have questions. Also I assume that Daeron will either stop being a nice child, or die a horrible death, or both. Because it’s that kind of series.

SPEAKING OF CHILDREN, remember how Rhaena and Baela are Daemon’s daughters? I had totally forgotten, and in fairness, I think Daemon did, too. And you know how it is—you neglect your kid hard enough, next thing you know, she’s adopted a feral dragon and ridden him into battle, accidentally triggering the death of your stepson. He feels bad enough about it that, when Rhaena refuses to abandon Sheepstealer or follow him to King’s Landing to throw herself on Rhaenyra’s mercy, he does the next best thing: murders a random goat herder and drops his head on Rhaenyra’s table. Bam! Jace-killer down!

As Cordelia Vorkosigan impressions go, it … could be better. A charred head can’t provide closure, or answer any of Rhaenyra’s questions. And now Daemon has lied to her face, which is absolutely going to come out.

My recollection is that, in the book, Sheepstealer is claimed by a Targaryen bastard named Nettles, who is said to be Daemon’s mistress, or maybe she’s a daughter figure, the dude who married his niece has fuzzy boundaries around family relationships. Events transpire and a bunch of the dragonseeds turn traitor, and Rhaenyra attempts to proscribe all the dragonseeds, including Nettles and Corlys’s boys. We’ve gone considerably off-book, but I just double checked, and both Baela and Nettles survive the war in different ways. So I feel good about Baela’s chances, but not so great about her long-term relationship with Rhaenyra.

Rhaenyra is still not having a great time as queen. She has decided to pursue a sort of Westerosi version of the Broken Windows Theory, where she’s cracking down hard on graffiti, but also not paying the cops. QUESTION: is ruling Westeros like being mayor of New York City? And if so, do we need to put Zohran Mamdani on the Iron Throne?

Fortunately she has Aryn Not-Officially-Valeryon as her stand-in Hand of the Queen, and he’s like, “Got a rat problem? Have you tried … cats?” This man is a genius. Let’s replace the dragons with cats. Actually, no, let’s let the cats ride dragons. Let’s put the cats in charge.

Here’s a solid basis for a story: you take a guy (gender neutral) and you put them in a situation, and you see what happens. Cary Grant was a classic Situation Guy (he was also good at This Guy Is Creating A Situation stories). So is Tatiana Maslany. Finding out you’re a clone and you and your identical twin sisters are part of a massive science project? Situation. You’re a lawyer and then you’re also a Hulk? SITUATION.

Here, Maslany plays Paula, whose involvement with a cam boy sends her down a rabbit hole of blackmail and murder, all while she’s in the middle of a custody dispute with her ex-husband.

The twists are twisty, the revelations are … convincing enough, the NYPD are totally uninterested in actually doing their jobs, and ALSO this isn’t even the first time Paula has been involved in a not-quite-accidental death.

Maximum Pleasure occupies the same sort of space as fellow AppleTV series Margo’s Got Money Troubles: short episodes, not quite comedy but also not quite drama, and interested in exploring the sort of digital sex work that Apple won’t allow in the app store. It’s held together by string and Maslany’s charisma, but honestly? Tatiana Maslany will get you really far.

That said, I’m quite cross that the finale spent more time setting up season 2 (more situations) than wrapping up loose ends. I cannot be having with cliffhangers in this age of long hiatuses and cancellations. I’m delicate.