American Primeval, episodes 4-6

The series ended exactly the way it began: violent nihilism with a deeply cynical streak, run through a bunch of Instagram filters to reduce the colour saturation as much as possible.

All the performances were great, but my goodness, what a joyless and ultimately pointless slog.

The White Lotus, episode 4

How we doing, Jason Isaacs fans? Do we need a moment? I got spoiled for the full frontal hours before the episode hit Australia, and spent a whole afternoon making a series of very specific emoji faces.

😳😶🫣

Anyway. Moving on.

Aside from HBO’s very specific prosthetic department doing their usual fine work, I wanna shout out Isaacs’ performance here. I have watched a lot of his filmography, in a totally cool and normal way, and I don’t think he’s ever played a character with so little swagger. Even his more intellectual villains demonstrate some level of charisma, sexual or otherwise. None of that is in his performance here, and it’s all down to the way he moves and holds himself.

A lot of White Lotus characters give me secondhand anxiety, but Timothy Ratliff is the one that has me wishing viewers got, like, a gift bag of benzos for our own use. He’s not babygirl, he’s not a pathetic little meow-meow, he doesn’t fit any category of Sad Tumblr Sexy Man. He’s just a mediocre man who is experiencing his very first consequence, and he does not like it one bit.

An incomplete list of other characters who make me anxious:

• Gaitok. Can someone please put this poor young man out of his misery and fire him? Oh, what’s that? You’re giving him a gun instead? And now he’s lost it? Guys.

• Greg/Gary: I see you, motherfucker, googling Belinda and stalking her socials. If he harms one hair on Belinda’s head, I will walk right into the TV and kill him myself.

• Lochlan: he seems like a nice boy, but also he does card tricks, which are a pick-up artist strategy for attracting women’s attention. On the other hand, they’re also a neat way to break the ice if you’re shy. Suffice to say, I don’t trust him. I do, however, highly rate his crocodile shirt. The style is called ‘Reptile Dysfunction’, if anyone wants to add that to our Lochlan Ratliff’s Sexuality Conspiracy Board.

• Chelsea, because I just feel like she is too sweet and too pure for this world, and she herself reckons there’s some Final Destination shit happening.

• Saxon, because he exists and I don’t care for that.

• Victoria, because benzo withdrawal is hell. Maybe she can join a support group with Langdon from The Pitt and maybe Weber from Berlin ER.

• Belinda, see above re: Greg/Gary.

Separate from all of this, I am concerned about everyone on the yacht except Chloe. Where are your hats, everyone? Where is the sunscreen? Slip, slop, slap, slide, people! Be sunsmart!

But here are some characters I don’t worry about:

Piper, Kate, Jaclyn and Laurie. And Rick.

Piper is young and seems quite sheltered, but the biggest obstacles she’s facing are the loss of her family’s money (definitely not fun, been there, do not recommend) and some awkward conversations with her parents. And she’s already seen her dad’s penis this week, so things can only get better.

As for Kate, Jaclyn and Laurie, I definitely feel like they are heading for trouble, what with having gone off to party with a sketchy Russian (whom they have been high-key objectifying and low-key insulting all week) and his even sketchier buddies. But they’re on course to have regrettable sex and maybe have their credit card details stolen. It’s not the end of the world.

All of these four women are sheltered by their wealth and whiteness. See how Team Frenemies broke a really important Thai taboo (touching a person’s head is, like, the number one thing to not do!) and the only consequence was a mob of children armed with super soakers.

And then there’s Rick. He somewhat redeemed himself in my eyes by being truthful with Chelsea, but he is one hundred percent on course to find out that “the man who killed his father” is in fact his deadbeat dad. He could die, he could kill someone, he could inherit the White Lotus itself, but my only real worry for him is that his tan is so deep that he’s a prime candidate for melanoma.

Matlock, season 1, episodes 12 and 13

The big development in this episodes is revealing how Matty and Edwin came to have custody of Alfie (an ugly court battle against their daughter, which ended abruptly when she died of an overdose), and that Matty very much blames herself for Ellie’s death.

Edwin also blames her, sometimes, which I have seen held up as evidence that he’s not a good dude. To me, it just means he’s human, and I appreciate how much this very silly series is conscious of nuance and complexity.

Because it is really very silly. The A plots involve a harrowing custody battle and sorority bullying culminating in accidental-death-by-energy-drink, but the B plots include “Billy is secretly hooking up with Sarah’s nemesis” and “Olympia has stolen Senior’s fursuit Easter bunny costume”. Like Paradise, Matlock often feels like a throwback to a different era of television, but deliberately so.

We also get our first glimpse of Ellie in flashbacks, and see that Matty was … pretty hard on her. A while back, Matty said that her mother had been an alcoholic; I assumed this was part of her cover story, but now I think it’s true — she was cold to Ellie in a way that really surprised me.

We also learn that Alfie was only eighteen months old when his mother died. This came as a genuine shock to me, because he always speaks as if he knew her — but no, he feels like he knew her because his grandparents kept her memory alive. And it feels like those memories are pretty rosy, when that was only part of the truth.

Absolutely nothing about Matlock is going to change the world, but I relish having a story about a couple in their seventies who are still figuring things out. Some boomers will infiltrate a law firm to bring down a pharmaceutical company rather than go to therapy. Which is hilarious, but also tragic when you realise this is all a displacement of their own guilt.

Severance, season 2, episode 9

It’s the penultimate episode of the season, and guys, I’m scared. Who cuts a hard-boiled egg into eighths and consumes only the whites in tiny bites? Helena Eagan, apparently, and I don’t approve. I haven’t been so horrified by a television egg since Alex Kingston seductively ate a vending machine egg with a wholly grey yolk back in ER. And that’s without getting into the weird vibes between Helena and her father, and then later, Helly and her father. Please don’t let it be incest, TV gods, no one needs that.

Also, and I think this is a sign that the capitalism has got to me, but I’m concerned that no macrodata has been refined lately.

All sorts of pieces are being moved around the board this week. Irving lets Christopher Walken take him to a second location, which frankly seems like suicide, but Burt’s intentions seem kind. He’s releasing Irving to safety? Or guiding him into a new trap? Remember season 1, when we were like, “It’s so nice to see Christopher Walken playing a nice man who isn’t creepy”?

Irving is like, “I’ve never been loved before,” and sir, your dog is sitting right there.

Speaking of love, Dylan’s outtie does not receive the news that his wife kissed his innie well, and then Dylan G himself asks her to marry him (symbolically?) and Gretchen’s refusal leads him to resign. Effectively killing his innie. Someone please reintegrate this man, stat. I need this love triangle to have a happy ending.

Ms Huang has completed her time at this Lumon campus, and is being transferred to the next phase of the child labour cult program at Svalbard. I hope she does not get eaten or otherwise used as a science experiment, but with Lumon, who can say? I’ll miss her. Milchick will not.

If I have one critique of Lumon as a corporation, it’s that they’re a bit heavy on middle management. That problem comes to a head with Milchick and Drummond, who essentially have the same job but in different spheres, and for some reason Drummond has been slacking off on his part of the work. Or maybe he assumed Milchick would move into “Ms Selvig”’s old house to keep an eye on Mark.

My other critique of Lumon, in terms of its culture, is that it’s troubling that a highly competent and intelligent man like Milchick is expected to dumb himself down for less clever white coworkers. It’s good to see Milchick push back on that, but he shouldn’t have to. If I was a corporate consultant of some type, I would definitely be pushing the board to consider their unconscious biases in this regard.

The final thread, of course, is Devon, Mark and Ms Cobel. (I love her, but I don’t know if we can be on first-name terms.) There are a lot of highlights, from Mark radicalising Milchick with the concept of taking a mental health day, to this exchange:

But MOSTLY I love that she clearly made Devon and Mark wait outside the birthing hut while she popped in, set up some mood lighting and arranged herself in the most intimidating and powerful setting for the conversation with Mark’s innie. Completely normal stuff. Extremely hinged. Role model.

The Pitt, season 1, episode 11

HBO has brought way more genitals to my television screen than I expected this week, and in the least sexy ways possible. I highly recommend Vulture’s deep dive into the creation of the whole birthing rig, complete with pubic bone and robot baby.

I realised during the week that The Pitt is my favourite current television series. (This understanding came to me as I was on r/ThePittTV, angrily downvoting everyone who said Trinity Santos was a toxic sociopath. Guys, I promise, a woman of colour can be an arrogant dickhead without it being a fullblown pathology.) And the whole childbirth subplot demonstrated why: The Pitt is deeply invested in subverting expectations. The birthing parent is a surrogate. The parents are a gay couple. Mel’s “I see hair!” points to a classic TV birth where the mother is lying on her back screaming and we don’t see anything until a healthy three-month-old is pulled out from behind the blanket. The baby will die. The mom will die. Someone will be homophobic towards the dads, or the dads will reject the birthing parent as soon as they have their baby. Collins will freak out and Robbie will have to take over.

The Pitt bypassed all of those possibilities, and did it with thought. The birthing parent’s life is at risk, but for once a Black woman gets the medical care she needs, and she doesn’t become a statistic. (Maternal mortality in the US is much higher for Black women than other demographics, just one of those fun facts that run a cold chill down your spine.) Collins and Robbie are a flawless team. Everyone is kind and decent and doing their best.* Everybody lives.

(* Except the obstetrician, who sort of pops in, makes an assumption about family structure and peaces out. And I think that’s also intentional.)

This is a fairy tale, but I think The Pitt has earned it — especially an episode which ends with a mass shooting event. And I think there is tremendous value in a realistic depiction of childbirth, vagina and all, because so many of us have only experienced the TV version, and that can be dangerous — or simply unfair to people who have really given birth and know the truth.

(Having said that, I crossed my legs SO hard in those scenes, my uterus will NOT be inhabited and no one is coming out of my vagina if I have anything to say about it, holy damn people who give birth to children are amazingly brave.)

But don’t just take my word for it! Some of the best commentary I’ve seen on The Pitt is from the healthcare professionals of TikTok, and here’s a Black nurse breaking down the scenes.

@psychedoutmama

Replying to @DobbsEmigree 🇨🇦 her survival was so significant #thepitt #hbomax

The other thing which has stayed with me from this episode is a realisation I had about Samira Mohan: she has a lot of the same problems as Santos — she doesn’t take instruction, she acts without checking in with her supervising resident — but because she’s good with people, she’s very popular with the audience.

I think this is why my hackles went up when Mohan and Santos briefly bonded the other week. Their strengths and weaknesses are too similar, and that can end really badly. I love them both, but they have a lot to learn, and don’t seem entirely able to take constructive criticism.

But if I have to point to a villain of the week (other than the incel kid who has absolutely just initiated a mass shooting event), I’m going to go with Garcia. In earlier episodes I’ve assumed that she was into Santos and flirting with her, and I still think that, but (a) flirting with a very junior coworker on her first day is not profesh; (b) shutting a colleague down when she comes to you with concerns about drug diversion is dangerous; (c) criticising that colleague for acting on those concerns while also flirting with her (“You’re trouble”) is just bad. If there’s a medical equivalent of the thin blue line, it feels like Garcia is in that zone.

Two things I totally got wrong

I had guessed that McKay’s ankle monitor was related to drug use, where actually it looks like she got into a physical fight with Chloe, her ex’s new partner. (Team Cassie, btw.)

And last week I speculated that Langdon was selling drugs rather than using them, but over the week I’ve seen a lot of posts and TikToks pointing out that there was evidence of drug use going back to the early episodes. He was hiding in plain sight, as it were.

Yellowjackets, season 3, episode 6

Consensus seems to be that this is finally a good episode. And yes, it was well-written and the plot is finally moving forward, but I still did not enjoy it. I think I’m going to see out the season and move on with my life.

Australian(s) of the week

I forgot this segment last week! But that’s okay, we can catch up.

The Australian of the week is … a Kiwi! But Morgana O’Reilly was in 203 episodes of Neighbours, and we’ve claimed New Zealanders for less.

In seriousness, O’Reilly has done a lot of work on both sides of the Tasman, and it’s always great to see her face. She’s doing fine work as Pam, the poor White Lotus employee saddled with keeping the Ratliffs happy, and may in fact be the most competent person in the entire resort. No, that’s not fair to Pornchai and Mook. But she’s definitely in the top three.

BONUS AUSSIES: Jaclyn’s new “friends” at the cheap old person resort.

Liddy Clark (left) and Wendy Strehlow (right, in yellow) have been fixtures of Australian TV since the late ‘70s and early ‘80s respectively. Clark is more of a theatre actress — The White Lotus is her first screen credit in ten years — but Strehlow has basically been in everything, including 217 episodes of A Country Practice.

Clark and Strehlow have captured the true horror of travel: just when you think you are safe … you hear an Australian accent.

Next week

I’m having ankle surgery in four days! Followed by an overnight stay in hospital, and I absolutely intend to be at home and wheeling myself out to the couch to watch the Severance finale on Friday, but I make no promises about getting the next newsletter out in a timely manner.